Looking around her office, at the trinkets and mementos strategically placed in every corner and shelf, Vonnie takes a heavy breath. “We honor the ones we lose, by keeping our doors open for the ones we can save.”
Vonnie Nealon, the Sober Living Director at Warriors Heart (a private treatment facility, exclusively for Warriors, provides care for addiction, chemical dependency & PTS for active military, veterans, law enforcement and first responders), pauses for a moment to reflect on the lives she has touched over the years. The countless souls who have walked through her door, desperate for a second chance at life.
Her reflection isn’t one of mere memory, however. “Like many who have walked through the gates at Warriors Heart, I was given a second chance. I was shown love and grace by others who could have been merciless to someone who needed help.”
As a young adult, Vonnie learned very quickly that alcohol and other drugs were an escape when she didn’t want to feel. “Growing up in a small down (I had 40 people in my graduating class), alcohol was a rite of passage amongst my friends.” Small-town farm parties were accepted forms of entertainment for Vonnie and her friends; drinking in the fields and late-night tractor rides were common adventures for a teenager.
“I was the only one in my family who drank,” recalls Vonnie. “I was a shy kid, and when I drank, I could breathe. I quickly learned how to blend in when I was drinking. Drinking that much when we were kids was normal…until the day it wasn’t.”
At 18, Vonnie had gone to the doctor for a visit with her mother. What was supposed to be a routine visit, turned out to be everything but. “The doctor looked into my yellowed eyes and asked me how much I drank. He called me out in front of my mother – who had no idea the extent of my addiction.”
Explaining that her addiction was going to kill her – soon – if she didn’t stop immediately, Vonnie sobered up. “I didn’t want to die – kids aren’t supposed to die from alcohol!”
Less than a year later, one of Vonnie’s friends, lost his battle at 19-years-old.
Scared straight, Vonnie recovered from her addiction and went to college to become a nurse. Unlike many who glamorous the university life, Vonnie’s experience in school was less than ideal. Experiencing a sexual assault, Vonnie became pregnant – a realization of her life that she never thought she would have to face. “Good girls don’t have sex before marriage, let alone get pregnant!” Sitting with the fear of how she would tell her family, Vonnie eventually lost the pregnancy – learning that her body wasn’t equipped to carry a child of her own. A devastating loss, and more debilitating news, Vonnie remained sober through that storm. Resilient in her recovery.
Despite the tumultuous time in school, Vonnie eventually left as a nurse. Leading a successful career, and life, she eventually met and married a man – a man who had a son who would have been the same age as the child she had become pregnant with in school. “I married him…I loved his son.”
Vonnie’s marriage challenged her sobriety on every level. From emotional and physical abuse, to adultery, she faced every blind corner that life could throw at her; until one night, when her then-husband brought his girlfriend, to the Christmas party.
A final straw in a broken marriage, Vonnie filed for divorce. “The only thing I could think of, was that I had lost my son. I wasn’t even sad about the marriage failing.”
“It took me less than 24-hours to ruin my life,” recalls Vonnie. Calling a friend who Vonnie knew as a social drinker, they met at a local bar. An establishment Vonnie hadn’t walked inside, since she was 18-years-old.
Watching her friend sip wine, Vonnie’s glass was empty before she could realize it. “The only thing I wanted, was for her to leave so I could get drunk! I had an image to uphold – and her being there wasn’t allowing me to drink as much as I wanted.”
When she woke up the next day, she realized her mistakes. Angry with herself, Vonnie went to the doctor’s office where she worked and found the samples of diet pills the pharmaceutical reps had dropped off. Amphetamines, legal at the time, helped her to feel better while at work; ultimately turning into a daily routine to numb the pain of loss in her life.
Like many who suffer from the disease of addiction, Vonnie had fully relapsed after nine years.
Vonnie’s addiction to alcohol and drugs weren’t the only issues she faced. The feeling of solitude leads many living with addiction to believe there must be a man or woman in their life – for Vonnie, that included relationships that were abusive.
During her relapse, she met a man who would change her life in more ways than anyone could imagine.
Attending a party, Vonnie was introduced to the “cook.” Realizing the way that methamphetamines changed her body, Vonnie looked for any way to continue to use – and stay thin. “He became my personal drug dealer, and because he cooked, I adopted that lifestyle with him. While our life was far from healthy, he taught me that people can care about you – they can love you – and not hurt you.”
Many of those with addiction issues end up with legal issues, and Vonnie found herself in a relationship with a true drug dealer.
Knowing she was living a life that was far from morally correct, Vonnie loved *Neil, and the life they had. One day, *Neil called her, and asked her to meet him “not at home.” Explaining that he was going to have to go away for a while, Vonnie said goodbye to *Neil and went home, where she was constantly met with the attention of the Texas Rangers. For nearly six-weeks, *Neil was nowhere to be seen or heard from, a strategy he clearly intended, so as not to implicate Vonnie. “During that time, he made sure I had my meth, but it wasn’t enough to sustain for the time he was gone, and he knew it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was weaning me off the drugs.”
Finding herself sober once again, Vonnie waited for *Neil to come home. With a promise to meet her at a friend’s gathering, she waited for *Neil, who would never show. “I was the only sober person at that party, waiting for a man who would never arrive.”
Vonnie eventually moved on and married again. She and her new husband relocated back to her hometown, where she was greeted with a call from a friend, informing her that *Neil had been detained – with 21 sealed indictments (one of which containing her name). “How do you explain to your police officer husband that you might be going away for crimes you committed in a life b
efore?!”
Before Vonnie could begin to consider the potential turn of events in her life, she learned that *Neil had cut a deal. “He accepted 99 years, without parole and I was given another chance to change my life. He traded his freedom for my freedom, with the stipulation of three promises: 1) Take care of the kids who were in my life, 2) Never contact or attempt to contact him again, 3) Give something back.”
At that moment, Vonnie committed herself to recovery. She made those promises and focused all her efforts on giving back – thinking of no better way than to work with other addicts and alcoholics. Vonnie began working in a substance abuse treatment center as a nurse working in the detox center.
At the same time, Vonnie’s then husband’s skeletons were revealed, and reality hit once again. Realizing the truth about the man she shared a life with Vonnie uncovered a monster
who not only abused her, but their daughter. Eventually, he was sent to prison – guilty of child molestation and abuse.
Following divorce, she ultimately decided to return to college to complete the bachelor’s degree she had started in 1979; returning as a non-traditional student, a single mom and working full-time at a prison as a counselor while teaching part time at a Junior College.
“Everyone told me to not try to go back to school, that it would be too hard, or I should just take online classes,” remembers Vonnie. “My heart was set on returning to a University to prove to myself that I could complete the degree.”
Determined to attend a private Christian University, Vonnie was required to write an autobiography, to be accepted. With an unapologetic hand, she wrote her story, and turned it into her advisor, who turned white while reading it. “I remember it like it was yesterday, she very calmly looked at me, and informed me that if I really wanted to attend that school, then I would rewrite the story and take out the parts that discussed my being and addict, along with other parts that she deemed inappropriate for their students. She wanted me to censor my past.”
Returning home after that meeting, Vonnie agonized over what she should do next. She was living honestly, through a program that required her to be transparent and unapologetic. “I knew I couldn’t change anything in my story.”
With every fiber of her being telling her to give up, something inside Vonnie’s soul kept burning bright. She resubmitted the autobiography without any edits – delivered with hope that the university would consider her past as a benefit and see that she deserved a chance.
That chance was answered, when the university accepted her; a single mom to one grown son and one teenage daughter, with a past not many would give a second chance to. Vonnie took on the challenge and earned her degree with a 3.54 GPA. “My daughter was able to walk with me at graduation. No matter what the world says there is always hope,” proclaimed Vonnie – proudly.
Since 2002, Vonnie has worked as a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and as a clinical director for several treatment centers, including Warriors Heart. Realizing that due to her past, she has the unique ability to reach and connect with others who suffer with the disease of addiction.
“We walk with Giants, we sit among people who are written in history books – they should be honored, not thrown away because of some bad choices they’ve made in the past.”
Warriors Heart is a facility for military, veterans and first responders, and Vonnie has found that her unique past allows her to help put purpose back in the lives of these Warriors.
Now 38-years sober, Vonnie sits in her “sanctuary of stuff,” where every trinket, artwork and note card tells a personal tale of a life she has touched. A legacy she hopes her story will remain in the hearts of those she has touched.
“Our stories allow others to grow – and I hope my story is one that helps people to realize there is hope, there is a light.”
Taking one last look around her office, Vonnie smiles. “Can I show you something?”
Reaching for a crystal pyramid, her grin is undeniable. “This is my favorite thing in here; it was a gift from the founders of Warriors Heart.” Turning the award around, the inscription is one in simple font with the most profound words, “Spirit Award – Strength through Healing – We Love You.”
A legacy, that will never die, lives in the walls of Warriors Heart, and her name, is Vonnie.
